I must admit that I have done this most of my life. At times even now, despite how many people tell me to the contrary, I feel unattractive and unworthy of love. When I have looked back on pictures of myself at times in my life when I felt the most unattractive, the most unloved or the most alone, I think, "How could I have possibly have felt that way. I was such an attractive kid/teen/young man. I wasn’t as fat as I thought I was. I was more athletic than I could see at the time. I was such a cute kid. Etc." When I look in the mirror now and don’t like the man I see, I have to remind myself of these times I have reflected on my past self and say, “You are more beautiful than you think.”
When I was 12 years of age I felt so bad about my body, the shape I was in and how much I had been made fun of/abused that I became anorexic and bulimic in response to how I felt about myself. For almost two years, I continued to rob my body of vital nourishment and nutrients because I thought I would loose weight as a result, and then the emotional pain would stop. The only problem is that, because my pain came mainly from my perception of myself and the world, once I lost the weight and more, my perception didn’t change. I viewed even skin on my midsection, as I slouched, as unwanted fat. Fat equaled pain in my mind so I kept purging out of fear. This continued for two years until I my ribs protruded well beyond my stomach and was almost hospitalized from malnourishment.
Your perceptions of yourself have always affected your actions and how you have interacted with the outside world. Change your thoughts and you will eventually change your destiny. This video is a beautiful illustration of how people see themselves as opposed to how they really are. Change your thoughts about yourself and you will change your life. I love and care about you my friend. Please know that you ARE more beautiful than you think.
This video is titled "Dove Real Beauty Sketches"
Please understand, I am not saying that physical beauty is the most important thing, nor does it make up who we are on a soul level. I do believe that "Real" beauty is comprised of so much more than physical attractiveness, but sometimes to be able to see what is really important you need to look past the obstacle of your perception of the lack of the physical, which clouds your vision.
An example: when people say that money doesn't buy you happiness they are correct. Much in the same way that most of the people who do not have money spend their lives focused on getting it, so do most, who perceive that they don't have physical beauty, focus on it (in most cases). If you remove the perception of the obstacle then a human being is free to focus on what is important. I'm starting to go a little deeper down the "rabbit hole" then I had intended in this blog so I will save the rest for another time.
Just remember, you are more beautiful then you think.
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Acting Website: JaredDay.com